When re-reading some of my blog posts I wrote when working on a project about the primary school in a rural village a few days ago it struck me how compelling they were. It surprised me because I don’t think of myself as a particularly good writer. I wondered what made them as compelling as they are? The answer I believe is simple- they spoke from my heart and are absolutely authentic.
While reading the posts made me realize again how fortunate I was to get that particular commission it also made me question what I have (or have not) been doing recently. Admittedly, the start into 2013 didn’t go exactly as planned. The going has been much tougher than expected in various ways, and it has slowed me down significantly.
However, I was reminded of what is so important to me. Living with passion, making a difference, and experiencing life in all it has to offer.
To do just that is neither easy nor comes natural to me. However, leaving corporate life and living a freelance life instead has given me the space to experience life differently, to make more room to reflect, to get insights to myself and to grow. It has given me the opportunity to do the things I am passionate about, to try to make a tiny bit of difference in this world. Sure, it has been at times an excruciatingly slow process but I believe I am moving into the right direction.
At times I have been debilitated with anxiety, at others with doubt and at yet others with being clueless about how to continue.
Beginning to accept that that is ok and that we are here to experience the whole spectrum of emotions and not only a few has made a big difference. Sure, the joy and success is fun, and the anxiety and doubts less so. To accept and allow all emotions requires courage. Courage because it is so utterly uncomfortable to feel uncertainty, fear, and pain. The funny thing is, however, that once we accept the existence of exactly these feelings it becomes so much easier to live with them. They lose their grip and their negative impact. It is a slow process but there is a trust in me that over time things will turn out fine. I need to be patient.
If only I let go of my expectations of how life is supposed to be, and how I am supposed to feel life will take its way. Sometimes it will be fun and sometimes less so. However, the joy and happy moments will grow the more I let go, and I believe that bit by bit I will find a way to live with authenticity, passion, and purpose.
A foolish believe? A romantic one? Or a realistic one? If any of these?